When I take a break from both running and (personal) blogging, my brain fills up like a trash can - eventually overflowing and making a pretty big mess. Don’t mind me while I start cleaning up a bit. I’ll start by picking up a few random thoughts I had today.

I’m wearing my new jeans from Old Navy today. Here’s what I love:

·         They are cheap, and I got them for extra cheap last night. Pretty soon they’ll be paying me to take clothes out of the store with all the sales and coupons swirling around this time of year. I prefer not to think of why they are so cheap. I make clothes, and it costs me more in materials than to buy them already made – not counting my labor. Yikes.

·         I love the super soft, lightweight denim fabric. It has a little bit of stretch and it is soft like flannel of chamois cloth. The dark rinse is just right.

·         Their sizing runs a little big, so I am able to buy a size that doesn’t make me want to weep with shame. They get extra super bonus points for this. I appreciate that all their styles come in a “short” (aka petite) version that is just the perfect length for me. I still have the same fit problems I have with pants globally-waist gaps in the back. Three kids and 47 years of hard livin’ later, I am thicker in the middle than I used to be, but still apparently too curvy to find pants that fit. Good thing I can do my own alterations.

Denial spoils my coffee drinking experience.

I was in Bodo’s getting a cup of coffee this morning. The woman ahead of me got her order, walked over to the “fixin’s” station – cream, sugar, napkins utensils, etc – then walked back to the counter and asked for a knife. The Bodo’s staffer pointed to the fixin’s station and very sweetly said, “They are right over there”, to which this woman responded, “Well they weren’t there before.”

Really? Just because you didn’t see them 3 seconds ago doesn’t mean they weren’t there. All of us within earshot were open mouthed, and I again wondered at the need for people to deny very simple obvious truth. How do you simply say, “That wasn’t there” or “I didn’t do that” in the face of overwhelming evidence and witnesses. Recent protestations by Jerry Sandusky and Herman Cain come to mind that made me spit my Bodo’s coffee in disbelief.

I amaze my own self sometimes.

One week ago today I was on my knees covered in shit, blood, and dog fur. My sweet old dog Max was convulsing with seizures. It was my son’s 8^th birthday and I was catering the office Christmas party and expecting a house full of out-of-town guests that very evening in anticipation of a full weekend of birthday celebrating. It wasn’t until I called the vet to tell them I was bringing Max in that I lost my shit. Hearing the receptionist say, “Hello, Animal Medical Center” was the tug on the loose thread that quickly and completely unraveled me.

I had exactly the amount of time it took me to ride out one more seizure with him, bundle him up, drive him to the vet, and drive back home to wail and sob and howl with mascara all over my face like some bad B-movie actress. Then I had to pull it together, clean, cook, and be a delightful hostess and party guest while my husband attended the death of our beloved friend. I ground my way through it all. The office party was a success, the boy’s birthday party was 2 solid hours of high intensity, physicality and messy fun with a dozen rowdy children followed by a dinner party for 13 friends and family. I rocked it all, but it seems like a million years ago instead of a week. A dull throbbing sadness has replaced the white hot burst of hospitality. I wonder if I could ever reach the same level of intense productivity without being at battle stations?